My daughter is 3¼ years old now. About the time that she was born, I decided that I needed to make a small change in my language. Whenever I felt the urge to curse, I would say a food’s name. For example, after being puked on, my reaction would be some variant of: “PASTA”, “PASTA BOLOGNESE” or other pasta’s favorites.
As time went by, I got better and better at expressing emotion through increasingly disturbing food references. My current favorite is: “Pasta Bolognese with pickled carrots in a bun with anchovies and raw eggs”.
A couple of days ago, I took my daughter and a friend to an ice cream shop. As expected of an ice cream shop in the middle of (very hot) summer, the place was packed. My daughter was quite excited to go there and expressed her emotions by standing up and shouting at the top of her lungs (she is three, with a voice that carry like a foghorn): “PASTA! PASTA BOLOGNESE” over and over again.
This is a crowded shop, full of small kids and parents. I got some looks for the little girl holding up a full ice cream cone and shouting about pasta, but it was infinitely preferable to the alternative.
An unforeseen side effect, however, is that because I can, I’m very free with pasta based profanities. This had led to what is effectively a competition, with her trying to cause me to go overboard with that.
And now I must go back to work, before the gluten police arrival.